After several false starts, I am ready to begin.
When I left my job two months ago, I had a desire to write. An urge to make sense of my experience. In haste I set up a newsletter and bundled it up in a new mission for my life.
My grand plans were soon thwarted. Aborted before the launchpad. I couldn’t even bring myself to start.
What unfolded instead was a time to keep silent. A chance to go inward and listen.
David Whyte, a voice of consolation in this period, writes —
Despair is a necessary and seasonal state of repair, a temporary healing absence, an internal physiological and psychological winter when our previous forms of participation in the world take a rest… despair is the time in which we both endure and heal, even when we have not yet found the new form of hope.1
It has been humbling to accept the presence of despair in my life.
We take the first steps out of despair by taking on its full weight and coming fully to ground in our wish not to be here.
Turning to face despair and feeling it in my body releases its grip. I can breathe. Despair begins to move through me and brings forth a new season — as it was always meant to do.
Emerging now is a time for action, for experimentation and imperfection. That is what Wandering words is for me.
On progress in life, CS Lewis writes:
We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turning, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man. 2
Since turning back on one path, I have been scrambling through the thickets on either side. Lost and bewildered. Ashamed. Moments of joy to be sure, but confusion has reigned.
This newsletter is a place to explore my interior landscape as I move through the world. I will write about those things that have always brought me wonder: people, stories, history and sport.3
Please join me and write often. To connect with others in this endeavour will be a treasure even greater than walking the right road.
With love,
Johnny
“Despair” in Essentials - a book of poetry by David Whyte.
CS Lewis, Mere Christianity, p 28.
An early thank you to my Marcus of my editorial team for the sharp reminder that outside America we do not refer to Sport in the plural.
Embrace the despair.
Celebrate the change of path.
Enjoy the experience.